“Fortifying the Family” Series, Week One: Modeling Marriage after Christ

The fourteenth sunday after pentecost

Shepherd of the Hills Ev. Lutheran Church (WELS)

Ephesians 5:21-31

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (NIV)

Better or worse?  Those are the only two options you are allowed in choosing how to respond to this question: How would you compare our society today, in 2012, with society 10 years ago?  25 years ago?  40 years ago?  The question has no political bent to it; it isn’t about republicans or democrats or which direction the government is going.  It is instead intended to lead us to stop and give thought to our general development as a society.  Today many are comfortable with abortion as a viable option for a pregnant mother.  Speaking of pregnancy, today many have much less of a problem with unmarried teenagers not just having sex, but having babies.  Today many have no issue whatsoever with the practice of euthanasia on any number of levels.  Today many parents are more concerned with befriending their children than they are raising or disciplining them. 

The question is, if you answered “worse” to the previous question, what do you think is the root cause? While there are without a doubt all kinds of factors that contribute to the realities just mentioned, one of those contributing factors is most certainly the continuing breakdown of the family.  We don’t want to oversimplify things and pretend that family is the only cause, but we also don’t want to overlook the deterioration of family and pretend that it has nothing to do with the downward spiral of our society.  The general sentiment has been expressed before: as the family goes, so goes society/the nation/civilization/the economy.  What we do and how we act as a society is a product of what we do and how we act as families.

If that’s true, and it would seem that history would support it, then we as Christians need to take a hard look at our own families and what we’re doing – or not doing – to stabilize and strengthen our families.  At every turn we see Satan desperately trying to rip families apart in countless ways.  We can disagree as to whether his tactics are subtle and sneaky or brazen and bold; but we cannot disagree that he is good at it.

But as good as he is, if you believe that God is better at binding families together than Satan is at prying them apart, then I pray that God will bless our efforts over the next five weeks as we look to him to help us in Fortifying the Family.  Think of the number of different ways God could have established the reproduction and development of human beings.  He could have followed any number of different models in the animal kingdom or insect world.  But he didn’t.  Instead, his unique and special design for the human race has always been the family.  Furthermore, his unique and special design has always been that families should be established through marriage.  So if we are to build up our homes and fortify our families, we need to start first with marriage.  And how do we do that?  We model our marriages after Christ.

That’s certainly the plan Paul laid out in his letter to the Ephesians.  In fact, he spends as much time talking about the role of Christ and his Church as he does husband and wife, and he relates the two topics together beautifully.  Let us explore this relationship further, so that as the Spirit strengthens our understanding and appreciation of all that Christ has done for his bride, the Church (i.e. all believers), we will also come away with a clearer picture of how that intimate relationship pertains to marriage.

Paul sets the tone for marriage with the words, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (v.21).  First things first: we have to get out of our heads this cultural idea that “submit” is a bad word.  It isn’t.  In fact, we see one individual or group submit to another all around us.  Consider the superstar athlete who is convinced he knows what needs to be done to win, so he takes matters into his own hands to get it done.  More often than not, he and his team only come out on the losing end.  Then, when he finally submits to his coach and follows his direction, he and the team succeed.  Our current and veteran servicemen and women know that every branch of the military is based on hierarchy and each rank submits to the rank above.  You go to work, and whether or not you are consciously aware of it, you submit to your manager or boss, and things run smoothly in the workplace.  Even on the drive to work, you maintain a reasonable speed on the highway, because you are submitting to the governing authorities and acknowledging that laws are in place for the good of the people.  Indeed, we and others are not at all strangers to this idea of putting ourselves beneath someone else – we do it all the time.

Furthermore, we especially understand the concept to a greater degree as Christians.  Humility is to be an essential characteristic of Christians, and what is humility but putting yourself beneath others, or in other words, submitting to them?  That’s what Paul had in mind in another of his letters he wrote to the Philippians: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3,4).  

           

So it isn’t shocking when God’s word to wives is this: submit to your husbands.  Again, because we have our society and culture to thank for making women cringe at hearing those words from God, we must clarify what it does not mean for a wife to submit to her husband.  It does not mean that she is inferior or less significant.  That notion finds no basis whatsoever in Scripture; it is rather a product of our hyper sensitive culture.  Christ placed just as high a value on the souls of women as he did men, since his blood covered both totally and completely.  Neither does submitting to one’s husband mean that a wife has no opinion, that her place is in the home cooking and cleaning, or that she can’t have a job.  To assume any of these outright is to misunderstand God’s designed role for the wife in marriage.

What does it mean for a wife to submit to her husband?  Notice that the manner in which you wives are called to submit is “as you do to the Lord” (v.22).  Wives, think about your relationship with Jesus.  What kinds of words would you use to describe your relationship with him?  Is Christ not your greatest love?  Don’t you serve him willingly and joyfully? Will you not bend over backward to show that Jesus is a priority in your life in every situation?  Do you ever question that he has your best interests in mind?  Doesn’t being connected to him bring you peace?  Think of how you faithfully live in him and love him in so many ways.  Now, simply do the same for your husband.

Why?  Because “the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior” (v.23).  God’s design for the husband/wife in marriage is that the husband would serve as the godly head, or leader, and the wife would support him in that role.  Yet both roles are important.  Consider the relationship in baseball between the pitcher and the catcher.  While the pitcher is the one who generally receives all the credit and acclaim, a pitcher recognizes that his success is largely dependent upon the support of his catcher.  The catcher knows each batter and helps the pitcher determine which pitch to throw via signals.  Which player is more important?  They both are, yet finally it is the pitcher who is ultimately responsible for striking the batter out.  Nevertheless, the catcher plays a vital role in helping him carry out that goal.

Believe it or not, God actually thought things through when establishing this special role for wives, for he gave them the perfect example of how blessing comes to the marriage in which the wife graciously submits to her husband, the Church.  Through Paul, God said,  “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (v.24).  The church doesn’t see being guided and directed by Jesus as unfair.  She doesn’t balk at abiding by the Savior’s will.  She lovingly serves the One who served her.  The church willingly, joyfully, faithfully, and fully submits to Jesus in all things.  God’s word to wives is that he promises to bless the marriage in which she willingly allows her husband to guide the ship, as Christ does his church.  In the end, her selfless submission to her husband is ultimately recognized as selfless service to her Savior.

Just as God has a word for wives in modeling marriage after Christ, so he also has help for husbands.  Husbands, love your wives.  What does it not mean to love your wife?  It doesn’t mean working yourself to death so that you can provide her with the money to buy happiness that she can’t otherwise find in her relationship with you.  It doesn’t mean that every bouquet of flowers or empty recitation of the words “I love you” magically convey love (though resorting to both more frequently [minus the “empty” recitation] wouldn’t probably be frowned upon by your wife!).  Loving your wife is not just rushing to give a “yes” to anything she wants, when all she really wants is for you to listen to her for a bit.  Loving your wife is not making sure that you occasionally take a break from putting yourself first so that you can put her first.

On the contrary, loving your wife is putting her first all the time, “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (v.25).  Husbands, do you want to know the secret to loving your wife to the fullest?  Never tire of looking at Christ’s love for you.  Never tire of leading your wife and family to do the same.  Leading them to Christ’s love is the single greatest act of love you can show them.  It starts with you being truly drawn in by Christ’s forgiveness to you and in response stepping up and leading as a godly husband and father, leading in love – leading in Christ’s love.  Giving of yourself for your wife and putting her before yourself is second-nature when you set Christ and his love for you as your number one priority in this life.

If both husband and wife are honest about their spousal sin and shortcomings, then looking to Christ comes naturally, because both husband and wife fail each other on a regular basis.  Unsupportive and disrespectful wives are a sinful shame to their husbands and to God, just as unloving and uncaring husbands are a sinful shame to their wives and to God.  So both need to see again and again how the perfect husband, Christ, treated his bride, the Church.  He “loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (v.25-27).  Husbands and wives, if the Church has been cleansed and washed, made radiant and holy – and indeed it has, as your baptism assures you – then the same can be said of your marriage.  Its stains have been removed.  Your sins as husband and as wife have all been removed and your marriage is made new through Christ.

Husbands and wives, to receive blessing upon blessing in your marriage as you model it after Christ is not just to imitate Christ’s relationship with his bride, the Church, but first and foremost to apply its effects to your marriage.  When you fail each other and Christ, apply his forgiveness to each other in your marriage, and do it frequently.  Have you ever actually spoken the words “I forgive you” to your spouse after hearing an admittance of guilt or sin?  They are the words Christ spoke to you at Calvary, the words he spoke to you at your baptism, and the words he speaks to you through Holy Communion.  Model your marriage after Christ, then, and speak them to one another as well. Loving and submitting to each other is a natural step for the husband and wife who apply Christ’s forgiveness to each other and blanket their marriage with it. Amen.

“For the freer confidence is from one’s own works, and the more exclusively it is directed toward Christ alone, so much better is the Christian it makes.” (Luther)